Sunday, January 8, 2012

Is God saying no.........

I just read a statement on my Infertility Support Group page from another member that read: Yesterday, I had a conversation with a colleague... I told her I lost my faith. She told me that I can't lose faith -- "G-d always listens, but sometimes he says no."  I questioned my parents about this about a month ago when I was struggling with another negative home test.  Since that time I've come to realize that He isn't saying no....I think it's more like He's saying not now. I know it sucks, we've been at it 10.5 yrs now....but it's all in His time and not mine. It's what I have to keep believing. I know there is a reason and I know He has our child already picked out, natural or adoption, so I've handed it to Him and will just wait for His time. :) I wear a braclet from a new friend on this journey that says Believe in Miracles...I've been wearing it for about 6 months now and every time I feel we are alone, sad, discouraged, angry....I run my fingers over the words and just keep saying what my mom promised me to say.... "not this month but maybe next month". It took me a long time to realize it but some woman aren't born to be birth moms....some of us need to be the moms to those sweet babies that weren't wanted by their birth moms or by those that were unable to care for their little one and did the unselfish act of placing for adoption. The more I think about it the more I feel like maybe that is my destiny, maybe what He wants from me is to be the mom to a child that their birth mom couldn't be. Maybe you don't feel the same and that is ok, everyone has their own beliefs....but I just wanted to share my side.